God Bless America. God Bless Fireworks. And God Bless Joey Chestnut. Yesterday, on the nations holiest of holy days, my wildest fantasy came to fruition. Amidst an savage crowd, fondly embraced by the fragrant flavors of a nations body odor, I had the honor of watching Joey “Jaws” Chestnut attempt to defend his illustrious Mustard Belt. Standing between him and everlasting mythical glory… 10 minutes and 62 perfectly plump porkers. Was I in the front row you ask? Not even remotely. Was it crowded you say? Like a Walmart on Christmas. It was better on TV? I cannot argue. Would I rather have been anywhere else? DEAR LORD NO. “We were there.”

Pictures after the break…Despite struggling to remain afloat amidst the masses, and having to watch the event on a make-shift jumbo-tron (although the eating entrants were meerly 300 feet away), “we were there.” We witnessed the drunken debauchery of MLE (Major League Eating) fans. We tasted the dogs that so bravely stuffed the stomachs of legends like Kobayashi and Eater X. And we experienced what the 1.7 million TV viewers only got a taste of (pun most definetly intended). Having experienced the 10 anti-climactic minutes of massive masticulation, I can die a man fulfilled. While the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog eating contest will forever remain a part of my 4th of July tradition, it will heretofore be enjoyed leisurely, and lovingly, through ESPN2’s endless tape-delay replays. Following our pilgramage to the mecca of meat, the day ended with fireworks on the banks of the Hudson river. New York’s finest put on an amazing show, and shakes as a night cap only made everything sweeter.